who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
