bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
