How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
