How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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