Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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