There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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