sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
