sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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