susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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