i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
