her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
