Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
