Cold hands, warm shart.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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