Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
