She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
