you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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