i think my mom watched the whole time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize