I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
