So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
