there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
