your thong is hanging out like whoa
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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