i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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