Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
