I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
