I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
