Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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