So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
