Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize