I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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