Jerry, you need to find god
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
