Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
