i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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