I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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