i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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