my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
