So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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