What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
