and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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