somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
