I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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