Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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