Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
