my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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