people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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