omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
