dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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