i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
