I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
