my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
