The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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