i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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