we have officially lost it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
