Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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