it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
