Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
