i jhust puked up my retainher.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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