as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
