It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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