Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
