Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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