you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
