I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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