Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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