After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
