I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
