I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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