I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
