She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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