Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
