A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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