You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
