I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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