First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
