I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
