Can Purell be used as lube?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
