Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
