he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
All the doctor said was why
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
