So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
