Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
