I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
