everyone is single if you try hard enough
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think I just shit out all my problems.
do nipples grow back?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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