Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
