Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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