How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
