Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
