That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
