I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
