Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize